Rampant Emotions

When my mom got to the doctors office, she was mad. I was expecting this, but not the magnitude. The first words she said were "You can't keep it. I'm not helping to raise another one!" Her face was so red with fury. She grabbed me by the arm and led me to the door. We sat out in the car. My mom turned to me and said " I'll pay for the abortion. All you have to is go there and do it." My mouth fell open. My mother was a church lady. Even worked in the church! Come to find out she had numerous abortions before she married my dad and after. I was floored. I think every notion I had of my mother flew out of the water. I told her I needed to think about it.
Over the next few days I thought of the brothers and sisters I could have had. I thought about The child I held in my arms as well as in my body. I was about to land a VERY good job, about to become independent again, my divorce bills were about to be paid off! Everything was going so right! The timing was so wrong. I knew the abortion would be easier. I could keep my job. My independence. Then there was the whole being pregnant and what to tell people. I couldn't keep the baby and do right by both of them. What would I tell Ansley? What would I tell my extended family? There were so many questions. Two totally different sides of the coin.
I went to my regular doctor. I told him What was going on and the options I was given. He gave me an ultrasound and said I was new enough along for the abortion pill. I went home and told mom the news. She wrote me a blank check and I headed to the clinic for my appointment. Half way there I pulled the car over. I couldn't do it. This baby was meant to be for some reason, just not for me to mother. I turned my car around and got ready to face my parents with my decision.

Finding Out

   I was working at a auto parts manufacturing plant. I ink was drying on my divorce papers. I hadn't seen my ex in months and was relieved! There was just to much violence. I was free! I was about to get hired on with the company, Ansley had just turned one and I was about to have enough money to move out of my parents house. 
   It was a regular night at work. I was at the spot welding machine churning out a pretty good number! All the sudden I had to go get sick. I went to the restroom, took care of business, and felt fine. I did this all night. I called the doctor's office as soon as it opened.
   By the time I got to the doctors office, I was so sick I could almost not lift my head. The nurse called me back. They did all the test and as the usual question "can you be pregnant" came, my answer was "NO"! I was on the shot and had taken every precaution, except abstinence. I said I thought I had a stomach virus. About fifteen minutes later the doctor came in and said "Congratulations, your going to have a baby"! My world shattered. I burst into tears. I don't think the doctor knew what to do with me! I just kept saying "Not now. I can't have this baby now." He gave me some space. I called my mom. I couldn't talk for crying. She said " Your pregnant, aren't you." I managed you say yes. She told me she would be right there and hung up. I was alone, and would remain so for the next seven months.